It’s All Relative
You were confidently striding down Huron Street, your bare limbs glowing in your tank top and shorts on a balmy 50 degree spring day. As I drove past, admiring your gym-ready ponytail swinging in the breeze, I noticed another girl across the street, covered head-to-toe in winter gear. She shivered and zipped her full-length down coat as she braved the frigid spring winds that simultaneouly invigorated you, just feet away. I drove onward, feeling unsettled about my own spring wardrobe choices.
Crimes of Passion (or Lack Thereof)
It was early afternoon on a sunny spring day in A2. You stood on State St. near Liberty, engaging in an awkwardly long, uninspired public display of affection. You and your girlfriend locked lips, recreating a scene out of a cheesy romantic comedy, only here the romance was overwhelmed by the comedy. The two of you smushed your faces together for what felt like ten minutes, not moving a muscle. If you’re going to put your relationship on blast in the middle of town at least put some effort into it. Try making the public feel like witnesses to your love rather than victims of your awkwardness.
Do You Even Lift?
You were at a 24-hour gym (you know which one) going way too hard on the treadmill, sprinting for a full minute before jumping off and then jumping back on. After a few minutes of everyone staring at you, you got off and wobbled your way straight to the bathroom. I’m pretty sure you pushed it a little too hard, and I hope you felt better after you hugged the toilet.
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