February 1 2013

. February 1, 2013.

Where’s the Love?

A British nursing home is under investigation after local government officials learned that the institution may have regularly hired prostitutes to provide companionship to elderly members of their community. The ‘Chasely’ nursing home in Eastbourne, London allegedly has a routine schedule for sex workers, who come and ‘visit’ with residents in a special room of the building and put a ‘special red sock’ on the door to ensure privacy. Many people think that this is a deplorable practice and constitutes unethical behavior, which leads me to ask — what happened to our compassion? If this isn’t an act of kindness, then what can we even call charity in 2013? The majority of the members of Chasely are ex-soldiers who are obviously very lonely and in serious need of a little adult companionship. As far as I am concerned, the staff of Chasely and these brave sex workers are heroes worthy of praise, not villains who should be condemned. 

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Year of the Horse

If fast food wasn’t already gross enough, Burger King is being accused of selling burgers that contain a small percentage of horse meat after multiple samples of their beef tested positive for trace samples of equine DNA. Burger King vice president, Diego Beamonte, commented ‘We are deeply troubled by the findings of our investigation and apologize to our guests, who trust us to source only the highest quality 100 percent beef burgers.’ Uh yeah, of course your customers trust that the burgers you sell them aren’t going to be cut with horse meat. This story illustrates how Burger King’s business practices are as greasy and terrible as their food is.

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Dude, seriously?

Lincoln, Nebraska police officers discovered a marijuana growing operation on Wednesday after a a few localscalled  911 to report that their marijuana pipes had been stolen. Officers promptly arrived at the victim’s apartment to investigate the crime, where they saw marijuana, drug paraphernalia, large bags of plant fertilizer, and ‘light shining from under a door barred with a padlock and a power cord snaking into the room.’ After obtaining a warrant, the police officers arrested a 19-year old man for cultivation of marijuana and ticketed his roommates for having marijuana paraphernalia. The level of stupidity that it takes to get busted in this fashion is truly staggering and somewhat mind boggling. Let’s just hope that these idiots learn their lesson.

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