After a couple of unsatisfying Tinder dates with guys who looked promising on screen but in reality were kind of “meh”, I decided to take the old fashioned route and go out with a guy I had already met in three dimensional space. To say that I knew him was a stretch- I talked to him exactly once. But I that was enough to know that he is cute, funny, a talented musician, and from what my friend told me, a very nice person who is also sort of slutty. The benefit of going for someone in your circle is that he’s vetted. The downside is that you can’t claim you didn’t know what you were getting into.
I rationalized that after a year without sex what I really needed was a good lay. My friend had also hooked up with him a number of times, and so this boy was fully vetted indeed. She told me he could be my “gateway guy” who would break me in, get me feeling sexy again, and with a slap on the ass send me sashaying confidently out into the dating scene once more. I winced when she described how nice his penis was, but I told myself that if I was going to have casual sex I musn’t be a prude about it. When he messaged me for a date, I said yes.
What are the rules?
He was even cuter than I remembered. Without my grief glasses on, I was able to fully appreciate the man in his prime. He is 14 years younger than me, totally ripped, and an expert flirt. I drank too much, laughed a lot, and ended up kissing him outside of Raven’s Club before getting an Uber home. A few days later we were texting and things got pretty hot. I suddenly found myself scooting across town to his house on my lunch break. I must admit it was totally liberating to skip the small talk and get straight to business. I had always been such a good girl, this slut thing was fun! He made it really easy and we kept hooking up for about a month. The problem was, I am hard wired for real relationships and know nothing about the rules of ethical sluttery. I couldn’t figure out the timing. How often would we see each other? Whose turn was it to call? It seemed to me that even a fling had to have some guidelines, but what were they? The last straw came when we had plans to hang out at the lake and he decided to bring a couple of women friends along on our date. This was awkward, even weird, but what made it downright bizarre was that he was dating one of them.
Fool me twice, shame on me!
That’s when I knew I had to jet. My marriage to a man ten years my junior ended when he came to the realization that he was polyamorous and that I needed to just accept it. After years of trying to get with his program I realized there is no sense in forcing a square peg into a round hole, and called it quits. And here I was, with a younger polyamorous man once again. I felt like I was in a labyrinth that had led me back to the start. Hell no! I don’t need it that bad. Mission accomplished. I am broken in, thank you and farewell!
Have any experience with polyamory or guidelines for
casual sex you’d like to share?
Please send your comments and personal stories